| | Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves (Robert Frost).
I read this quote today, and something about it resonated in me. Growing up, I was led to believe that I did almost everything right and rarely failed. I didn't learn how to fail at all. In fact, I spent many years of my life beating myself up when I wasn't "perfect." A prime example is that I spent 60+ hours doing one school project in 7th grade, and still thought that I had not done "my best."
"My best." My mom repeatedly said to me, "I only expect you to do your best." But to me, that meant that I had to do everything the best I could. I always believed that I could do more, do better, if I had more time or worked harder. I pushed and pushed myself to exhaustion many times. I do not fault my mom, at all. Her expectation was appropriate; it was my distortion of what she said that was a problem.
I was well into college before I realized that doing my best, meant accepting the limitations that I had. Sometimes limitations are in the form of time or energy. I had to learn how to prioritize and balance my time better. I had to learn to accept "good enough" on things that were less important (or in terms of school, things that were worth less points). In grad school, I finally had to tell myself, "a 'B' is okay." I got a few "B's" in classes where I truly did my best.
My unrealistic expectation of myself, the belief that I could do everything to my best ability (all the time), was a great weakness. It was not healthy for me or those around me. Additionally, I can honestly say that I was not learning as much as I could have if I hadn't put such pressure on myself. I didn't learn as much as I would have if I had valued learning more than the outcome, and if I had allowed myself the freedom to be "good enough" instead of "the best."
Learning the concept of "good enough" has changed my life in many ways. I have learned to set appropriate boundaries with my time and energy. I have learned to learn instead of get good grades. I have learned that the pressure I felt was inside myself, rather than from others (which is where I thought the pressure was coming from). Some things do need to be done at "my best," but not everything has to be so. And finding the freedom to be "good enough" has allowed me to be authentically me.
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| | Posted 7/5/2009 7:50 PM - 16 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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